ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
