she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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