never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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