last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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