I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's no shave November. This is our time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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