The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
