My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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