but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
