he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
