he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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