How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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