What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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