May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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