What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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