life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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