i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
