She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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