What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
