More tranny stories later!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
