I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
