If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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