forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
