i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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