last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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