New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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