i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
