John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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