She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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