Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
MIDGETS
????
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
