I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
