the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
