I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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