He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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