dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
