Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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