Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
