You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
