He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
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