it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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