Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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