Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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