my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
