I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
