Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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