were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
