just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i think my cat just said my name.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
