I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
