i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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