On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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