Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
