I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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