I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
