You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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