All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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