I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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