i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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