I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
