i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
