thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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