Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
