i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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