you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
