I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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