If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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