Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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