Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
