i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
