lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
