Kiss
Puke
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
