There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Randomize
