Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
