Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
