why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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