It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
